THIS OLD PHALLUS: The Evolution of Lysistrata’s 96 Incher


Today on “This Old Phallus”, we’re going to show you how to build your own huge John Thomas. This giant wood pecker stands erect at 96 inches. Here a couple of things to keep in mind:

  1. Have a healthy supply of wood. All pieces should be smooth, long and easy to wrap your hands around.
  2. Make sure you’re using material that will hold up to repeated jerking movements.
  3. Make sure wood can be inserted between four walls. In our case, the walls are black, but any shade will suffice.
  4. After cutting your twig and two berries, be careful when sanding the edges. Nobody likes a pricked finger.
  5. Hold and drill as many times as possible. Don’t get too overzealous! Be gentle at first. If you go hard, you’ll be asked to go home.
  6. Men must be secure enough with themselves to touch a phallus, particularly when it is bigger than their own.
  7. All are welcome! Many hands make light work.

Come see This Old Phallus and more when Lysistrata plays at HITW 11/13-12/5.